When Migraines Bring Out the Beast

Have you ever had a day where you know, deep inside your heart, you should've turned the lights out, pulled the shades, and just remained in bed? Ever had a day where you truly wanted to run away -- from yourself?



Yesterday was such a day for me. Entering the gym for my daily work out, the music blared -- that is, IF you could call it music. I haven't a clue what the lyrics were. I did feel the music -- only it was pounding with a rap, bam, rap sound. I could literally feel the nerves inside my body tightening, like a pretzel. Quickly, I performed my work out routine - 85 sit ups, 85 side bends, 85 leg kicks, 85 chest and bust strengtheners. By the time I got to the leg machines, I decided to shorten the routine to 70. By now, the music is so annoying, I wanted to perform kick boxing, only I'm not a violent person. I chose to leave.

Driving from the West Ashley section of Charleston, topping our new bridge, Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge, a tall cable stayed bridge, and a beautiful modern landmark for the City of Charleston, driving to Mt. Pleasant, I turned my radio off. I wanted quiet - nothing but quiet. When I got home, my pups rushed to greet me with their usual barking chatter. "Quiet," I said, rubbing my forehead, feeling the thumping drumming effect of a migraine headache. Moments later, the ringing telephone screamed for attention. So much for quiet, I thought to myself.

No matter what I did at home, I felt my body continue to tighten. Turning the washing machine on. Lights blaring in my eyes made me want to pull my eyes out. My pups barking to get inside. By now, I was more than a pretzel, more like a tightened screw inside a deep, dark hole.

"Breathe deeply," I whispered to myself. "Relax. Apply the motions and methods of Yoga."

"To Hell with Yoga," I screamed. "I need sleep."

I confess, I'd been awake since 4am. Insomnia is something I battle more than most people, and from what I'm told by my writer friends, insomnia is definitely a battle writers endure.

I played at the keyboard, polishing a story and sifting thru e-mail, I realized this was not a good, productive day for me. Ten minutes later, my head bursting, I chose to find my children (yes, my pups) and I shuffled my feet towards the bedroom, phoning my husband to let him know I had a migraine and was going back to bed, in hopes my exhausted body would be seduced into a soft, relaxing sleep. It didn't happen.

The phone rang three times and I was thankful for answer machines. Shakespeare moved closer to me, cuddling my neck, almost choking me. Shamus was curled at my feet. His warm bear fur toasting my feet. I surfed the TV channels, stopping to watch Paula Deen on Food Network, sufring more to listen to MSNBC. Big mistake. George Bush was on - no surprise there. Lately, he seems to have a daily chat at a press conference, managing to say -- NOTHING!

I turned the TV off, rolled over, stroked Shamus fur while listening to my breathing. I heard the back door shut. Phil was home. I struggled to my feet, anticipating a warm kiss to welcome him home. When he snapped a question my way, I exploded. I cannot recall what I said, but I do remember thinking - just where did those words come from? Must be the headache - not me!

I confess, when I get a migraine, I'm not a nice person. My temper is quick, my mouth explodes, and I truly want to run away -- from myself.

How does one run away from one's self? I've yet to figure that out. If you have any tips, please let me know.

A few hours later, I apologized to Phil, letting him know I was aware of how grouchy I was, and I was sorry for him to see that side of me. Migraine headaches bring out the beast inside of me. A beast I would prefer NO ONE ever seeing! I swallowed three more Advil - now within 24 hours, I had consumed six of them. I don't like being sedated, so I refuse to take other medications because I know my body well enough to know when a migraine attacks, I must give in to it. No noise. No food. No lights. No music. Nothing! Absolutely nothing but darkness and quiet.

I went to bed early, managing to sleep. Thank goodness for sleeping pills that I only take when I cannot stand being with myself.

Today is Friday - only a few days before Christmas. My Christmas cookie dough has been chilling since last Sunday. With the migraine gone, perhaps today I can bake the cookies I want to decorate and share with my neighbors, friends and loved ones.

Today is a new day, and the monster migraine headache is gone. My personality is back and maybe today, I will find just who I am.

Oh happy day!